hello

i thought i'd sit at the computer and see if something comes up to blog about. i read all of yours every day, so i need to contribute.

dad is downstairs putting in drywall from the flood at kerry's reception.

yeah, good times. may we never flood again.

ryan's curls

I just found this photo which explains why i loved ryan's baby hair

Ode to Ryan

And then there was Ryan. I fell in love with him early. He was such an undemanding baby-so much so that at his 5 month checkup they told me I was starving him (i wonder if there was a referral for neglect???). I told them that I fed him on demand. Whenever he woke up, I fed him. So, anyway, he slept 5 hours at at time. He was only 11 pounds at that checkup. whoops.
But I remember saying that if i could clone him, i'd make a million. dollars, that is. not a million ryans.

Ryan had the most amazing strawberry blonde curls (soft curls) as a baby. I hated to cut it. Nowadays, when i see him, i invariably ask, do you want me to cut your hair??? It is still as curly, just not as soft.

One time in church, someone told me that ryan looks just like me. I was flabbergasted (just wanted to use that word). because he looks exactly like his dad. then i found out that they sat behind us, and what looked like me were his facial expressions. oh oh.

Ryan does so many things well. He is excellent at math, yet writes stories, novels and poetry. Usually, you're good at math or language. He's got them both. Although he still cannot draw to save his life.

Ryan has always had a sense of self. He knows who he is, and cannot be persuaded to do something against his will. Peer pressure was not very effective. He stands up for what he believes.

Ryan is a gentle soul. It takes a lot to get under his skin. Most of it rolls off. But make no mistake. if it matters, you will know it. The few times I have seen his anger, it was a blitzkrieg. or maybe a Pompeii. Just get out of the way till he calms down. But when he calms down, he still loves you.

Ryan is carrying a big load lately. He is working full time while taking his senior level courses in engineering. It has been hard physically and emotionally. He has a very very tight budget. But i haven't heard too much complaining about it. i mean, the job stinks, but he still performs it well, and is invaluable to his manager who should immediately give him a big fat raise. His manager said to him that he was a great employee: He comes to work on time, does his work without complaint, and does all the things he is supposed to do for work. Ryan was surprised that that was a big deal to the manager. How else would he act??? But the manager knew, as most managers do, that not everyone has the integrity to do those things. It was one of the most irritating and frustrating thing to see as a manager that everybody didn't just do their jobs well. they didn't care. Give the man a raise so he can pay his rent.

Ryan waited to rebel until he went to college. I just didn't see it as a teenager. He is paying for that rebellion now, but at least he can see that it didn't help.

Ryan would and will make an excellent husband and father. I have seen the way he treats women, and would not hesitate to recommend him to the job. He is tender and sweet, although he sometimes hides that side. But if he loves you, you will know it. I hope i see little strawberry blonded kids while i live. No need to comment on that, ryan.

Ryan has so many interests. He will never suffer from excessive time that he can't fill. this is a blessing and a curse. talk to his dad about it. He enjoys World of Warcraft, origami, computer games, creative writing, Scotland heritage, Russia and Russians and russian, Putin, legos, star destroyers, Palpatine the Emperor, sleeping on the floor, waterbeds, having money, jettas, jedis, rap music (go figure), classical music, playing viola, soulmates, girls, libraries, movies, spiders, etc. I can't keep going on. Ask him.

Ryan, I would still clone you. Here's to you, Ryan, ry, wheat, oats, barley, farley, fudge!!

An Ode to Carolyn

Don't worry, i have several other odes in mind. but i can't do them all at once.

I was reading a blog today about whether or not mormons really believe that the most important work they will do is within the walls of their own homes and the replies were to that and also to the worth of mothers staying at home vs. making a career choice outside of the home. Who matters more?? now, i say, unequivicably that some women have no choice. I respect and honor them. Having been a single mother, i know that it is a tough choice. hard as hades. not enough support. I have also worked while married at times to bring the income to a level that was sustainable by life. also hard, but not as. This is not disrespecting of anyone.

Luckily, Carolyn has a husband who makes enough money to enable her to stay at home (ode to follow later). In some ways then, it would sound like she has it made. But I know from first hand experience that stay-at-home moms have incredible challenges all their own.

Carolyn is an exceptional mother. She is better at this than I ever was, and I am not saying this because I am depressed about my efforts. I was okay. I have great kids, so I must have done some things right. This is about her.

I recently had the opportunity to share a few days in the M. household. While much louder than i am used to presently (mine were noisy at this stage also), i was so impressed by the order and discipline present. I never heard Carolyn raiase her voice, although I am sure that happens occasionally. All issues were handled firmly, but fairly. And there were many issues, as happens with 4 children. Those kids know that she loves them, but they also know that she means business when she disciplines. So much so that there were few time outs for the number of minor squabbles that always happen with kids.

I have been there other times when I have seen Carolyn running kids to and fro to preschool, parks, speech and occupational therapy, and piano lessons. This is not what is easy for her, but a recognizable sacrifice to make sure her kids have what they need. And she takes everyone, not expecting someone to always bail her out on childcare so she can do these things a little easier. I know that the kids will realize that the family is all for one and one for all.

I could go on and on about just the sacrifices for A. Having a child with asperger's is a challenge in and of itself. It adds layers of difficulty in loving and accepting and still striving for normalcy and disciplining and and and. The progress that A. has made is astounding. Yes, she gets the aid of an aide :) in school and preschool, and the therapy mentioned above, but I am confident that much of that would not have succeeded without the reinforcement and constant watchfulness of her parents. The making clear of what is expected with consistent reminders and consequences is astounding. Even the the sign on the bathroom towels: No poop on the towels. Use toilet paper to wipe.

I know that Carolyn has times when she shuts herself in her room to have a good cry. All mothers should be allowed time-outs too. But then, it's back to work raising fine children able to take their place in the world with a solid support behind them---and they all will know it.

I could go on, but i think i will stop now. Carolyn, I appreciate you and your neverending sacrifice and love for my son and my grandchildren. hang in there

Kevin gave me permission

So, kevin goes to college on tuesdays (other days too). david takes him to the bus in the early am. because he could possible miss the bus or stay late, on that day i give him my cell phone to call when he is close to great northern mall (pick up site). it is usually about 2:30. so about said time, he calls me FROM MY CELL PHONE to my HOME PHONE. this is very important to distinguish, or it makes no sense. in his defense, he didn't get much sleep the night before.

i am feeling goofy, as often happens. so, when i said hello, he said, it's time to get me. i said, oh, i'm sorry i can't. he says, oh. why not? i tell him it is because i am in kentucky right now and can't get there in time. he thinks, not says, i guess i'll walk around the mall a little bit til she gets here. i start laughing, and he asks what is so funny?? i tell him to think. he has the cell phone. i ANSWERED THE HOME PHONE. he still doesn't get it. (very sleep deprived, i guess) i ask, how can the home phone be in kentucky?? pause, pause. "It's not very nice to make fun of tired people." no, indeed. but fun.

How come...

If, in every dispensation, Heavenly Father or Jesus commands the people to write a record of what is happening, why is our record of the time when Jesus was on the earth not written until 60-70 A.D.? This is such an important time, i would think He would not want to trust the memories of the apostles for that long a time. When He came to america, he says, why didn't you write the account of samuel the lamanite? Surely His actual teachings and activities and church setting-up would be important to get right. right now. someone write this down.

musings from the alcs

spit. they all spit. breathe, breathe, spit. breathe, breathe, spit. the field must be lousy slick with all the additional moisture. esp. the pitcher's mound. i hope, think that not everybody was chewing tobacky, what with all the info about mouth, tongue cancer. so, it probably is gum, rather than chaw. the spittle is clear. (tmi???) but what is up with this? are their swallowing muscles destroyed when they sign a big league contract?? (probably is the same with minor leagues, just i don't watch them.) Think of the dugouts. they must have depends laid out on the floors. either that or a mesh grid with drainage to the sewers underneath. watch terry francona, boston coach, sometime. i would hate to go out to dinner with these guys. here you are at 21 or some fancy place, and they're spitting all over the floor. sorry, waiter, could you get a mop? wet cleanup at table 7! it is a new classification for equal rights. i'm handicapped by atrophy of the swallowing muscles. sorry. sorry. bring a humidor.

Also, if you are watching, i now know where ryan gets his ideas for facial hair. he watches too much boston red sox tv. they nearly all have funky chin hair. lots of soul patches. some strange sideburns.

go, tribe. you are your worst enemy. you don't have to fear the red sox, you need to stop giving them the game. but, really, go tribe!!

Gone Goth

It is just more important to me to stay close to my youngest son than any silly old rules

drink me under the table

so, i am experimenting with something fast and nutritious for breakfast. the rule is, it doesn't need to be cooked, it has to taste good, it must have some nutritive value, and i shouldn't get hungry for at least 3-4 hours after ingesting.

so, i went to vitamin shoppe and got little packages of a soy powder, mix with milk item. i bought several flavors.

they were pretty good, esp. the chocolate. so i bought a big can of it.

i mix it with a banana. yes for taste, nutrition, and no cooking. but i get hungry within an hour.

today, i mixed milk, banana, chocolate mix, hersheys(i put too much milk in it) and 1/2 cup of oatmeal. the vitamix shreds everything. you want to liquify stone, put some in a vitamix on high. the jury is still out, as i am drinking my second glass now (i told you i put too much milk in it!). you can't taste the oatmeal, which is good. it has all the above qualities, we are just waiting for duration of satiation (i just wanted to use the word).

stay tuned

ryan, don't read this

which by saying, ensures that he will. oh, well, i warned you. i do not like spiders. therefore, these two http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/spider-remarks/ and http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/the-adventures-of-spider-and-man/ are quite the same statement i would make. carolyn, i tried to put a picture of a spider here from google, but i couldn't get it.

new vocabulary

it isn't often that i come across a new word, being such an avid reader. i think the last one was "logy". i am reading the 3rd in the trilogy started by willow (shadow moon, shadow dawn, shadow star). i guess that's a quadralogy?? any way, i'm on shadow star. in these books though, i've come across the word "ensorcelled", which means under a charm or sorcery. The people of Angwyn were ensorcelled. i guess you could say i am ensorcelled by ensorcelled.

As if...

welcome to my 100th post!!!

i had to go to tri-c for kevin to get him english books friday. now why he didn't get them himself when he was there early or late waiting for a bus is a whole nother rant post.

but i got the familiar to all sticker shock as i paid $80 for a softcover 5X8 book and $40 for the same size used one. what a racket, i again thought.

so i get up to the cashier, and i'm complaining about what a racket when i apologize to her saying that i knew it wasn't her fault, when she says, "as if.."

we agreed that there was no way she would be standing there checking people out of the bookstore if she indeed had that "racket". but we each spent a minute pondering how nice it would be if we did.

then i came home, went to amazon.com and purchased these and his other textbooks for much less. some cost $1.50 or #3.00 but all of them were a steal after the bookstore. i know there are other sites where this can be done, but amazon has always been on time for me and i didn't want to have ryan's dilemma last semester when his books never came.

old lady

wish i could find a picture of a little old lady with her cane, hobbling along a road, maybe helped by a friendly boy scout. that would be me, whose "real age" is a whopping 87.4. i guess i'll just die now. nice to know you all.

i mean: exercise more. yes. let's talk about pain.
take less medication. yes. let's talk about pain
sleep less. let's talk about sleep disorder
less meds. but take them for cholesterol and thyroid
see my dr for history of ovarian cancer. oh wait. i did already, and i have no ovaries anymore. guess that's not a high risk of death anymore.

please come to my funeral, all you younger than young children

HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYY

Okay, i couldn't resist. harrymania is back, with interlocking book and movies to drive ourselves nuts with, so i must direct you to http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/wand-for-the-money/ muy funnioso.

myself, i am just trying to clean things and not always have the house so messy. lots of luck. trying to throw stuff out. the problem is, it goes to my office while i am trying to sort it, so my office is awful till it gets done. not fair.

i could cheat and make this 5 posts but i'll put it all in one

it's going to be 92 today. good day to stay inside i think . oh wait. i finally got a doctor's appointment. when is it? well, when is it going to hit that high? say, 3:45? you got it. that's my time.

kevin has finally hit the teenage "i want to be independent and i'm sick of you telling me what to do" phase. finally. so we are having a home evening on goals or steps to get kevin independent. things like a job that will support him, knowing how to balance a checkbook (having a checkbook), knowing how to drive, basic cooking and shopping. but how hard is it to make a salami sandwich, you say.

i heard on the radio, an hourlong program, that if you are stressed and eat a high fat, high sugar diet, you get fat. imagine that. one wonders how they can talk for an hour about this NEW news.

Grandpa wants his reunion movie for new years now. i'm not off the hook.

i watched "the queen" movie last week. i liked it, but dad wouldn't have. it takes place only over a week, the week when princess di dies (di dies, heehe) till her funeral, and how out of touch the queen was with the people, and tony blair tries to wake her up. i liked tony. he really looked and acted like tony. the queen needed to look older, but maybe that's because it was a while ago.

i would say something else, but then that would be 6 things. love you

I can hardly contain my excitement

yep, that's true. i love my fam, and we are all gonna be together for the first time since the flood when kerry and braden got married. oh, wait, 2 babies weren't born yet. trying to figure out menus and grocery lists is a pain. as is trying to do a dvd. i really should have made one before i said i was gonna do one, so i would know what i was getting into.

we got dsl today--webcams arise again. this is with wowway. only thing is they could only get it going if they didn't go through the wireless router, so kevin will kill me until uncle dave can get over here to assist. and i'll be sad because i'll STILL have to fight to get on my own computer. rah!!

see you all soon

nada

well, tomorrow night I sleep in my wonderful king bed with unfeelable springs. and all my schtuff that i CAN do without...but why?

i love these guys here, but i miss the guys there. where is my husband??? need to see....need to see. and kevo also, for he is an interesting guy to talk with, and fun, too.

went to the seattle temple wednesday. did 10 initiatories and 2 endowment sessions. i died yesterday, but i am glad i got to go.

i am packing today. funny how spread out things got. kerry and braden will be happy to have their apt. back, though they will miss the free help.

here i am, love me

i thought that it's been awhile since i posted, so here i am. busy day today, appt. for jenna and kerry. kerry is still feeling poorly, although better than before, and using lots of pain meds still, so she is getting checked out. her resident is unavailable (watch us cry) so we see a family nurse practitioner. yea!! oh, then kerry started throwing up last night. will the trials never cease for this girl??? oh, and a list of errands if peeps are feeling ok.

i have started into a flare. at church, i had a definite inspiration that it was because my prayer, and the blessing braden gave me said that i would be able to do what i planned in helping kerry, and now that she and braden are taking care of jenna more, the blessing is over. i mean, yeah, i would rather feel well (as opposed to good) all the time, but if not, than at least i was able to help during the worst times. this makes me even more anxious for my own bed and lifeworks for swimming (to help with pain). it really is time for me to go home.

So, the above pictures, stolen from braden's comp are of jenna's first two sundays, where grandma got to play dress up with the baby doll. she looks so much more alert in the second photo. the last one, which i can't get to turn around, so you have to turn YOUR head is a day or so after delivery, with the picture of MY mom, so a 4 generation photo.

I am babysitting at the moment. everyone is asleep, which is the way i like them to be when i am in charge. we had to change formula for jenna as she was projectile vomiting and constipated. i am not sure i have seen a constipated baby before, but they were formed little poops, which looked too hard for a baby. now she just poops every 2 days, but a blowout. you should have seen kerry and braden's face the first time. that was when jenna got her second bath. hehe.

Kevo is going to his (girl)friends prom in may. he doesn't care, but she wants to go. it will be his first prom and afterprom, since he didn't go to his.

Ry gets to walk in graduation in may, so we will be going up to VT for that. dad and i may take a getaway vacation then, either to Maine or Montreal, leaving kev with ryan for a few days, probably before the graduation. Ryan has a summer internship with burlington, maybe keeping him on part time while he takes his last 2-3 classes in the fall. he interviewed for a "real" job with them in december after he graduates. no word on that yet. probably they want to see how he does for them this summer, etc. I blog this because he hasn't.

oh, a baby calls.

love you all, especially all grandchildren. i need to get to madeira...i haven't seen them since november. bye bye

ok, carolyn, you asked for it

The baby is no longer jaundiced. she eats well , and the other end is now going well too. for a while, she didn't latch on, and didn't eat enough to pee. her sleepy time is late afternoon. she is cute. well, really. the lactation consultant was here for a second visit, and baby is 6# 7 oz, after a low last thursday of 6# 1.4 oz.

Kerry is not doing so well. she and braden are at the dr.'s office now, after numerous phone calls all weekend to the docs on call. I believe she has a hematoma. she is in much pain which narcotics and ibuprofen aren't masking. she is now running a fever, also, and hurts everywhere. and possible mastitis, too. i told her that her health was more important than the breastfeeding. she has been pumping for days since it is too painful to try to get J. to feed. Support for whatever decision she makes is appreciated. Poor kerry. it is so hard as a mother to see my daughter in such distress. and i have a hard time managing the mother vs. midwife role. i don't want to be taking over, but where exactly is the line?

but may i rant about residents?!? i am so angry about her delivery, and partly blame myself for the mother/midwife thing. I realize that students need to learn, after all, i was a student once myself. but if you are a third year resident, one would think you would know enough about deliveries to manage a 6-7 pound baby. perineal support is critical, esp. if you insist that she deliver in a position that is guaranteed to increase risk of tearing. So, her hands were there, but who can tell how much support was given until after, when it is obvious that you didn't do your job!!! I left her delivery shouting silently, "THIS is why i became a midwife!....THIS is why i became a midwife." I don't think i could ever work in labor and delivery again, where i am not in charge of the labor and delivery. my poor daughter is paying the price for being "poor", and not having the "correct" insurance that would let her choose quality care instead of whichever resident. whooooo, steam is rising from my head, i better quit this subject. but i must say that most midwives take state insurance.

by the way, if you want to call here, call my cell. i only turn it on when awake, and it won't wake anyone if they are sleeping (and i get it fast enough). that way, if they are awake, maybe you could talk. i won't be offended if the reason you call my cell is to talk to them. don't call their cells though...they never turn them off.

Musings

While i know that kerry's blog states "still no bebe", i must beg to differ. This house, apt, is all about one bebe. Funny, no one has been watching any dvd's lately...except maybe i watched some 24 episodes. Braden only got in one attempt at WII golf. these are all great differences. When the baby goes down, everyone goes down, except me, who insists on sleeping all night. After all, grandmothers must have some rights.

I TOLD them that having the baby in their room all the time would keep them up all night, and day, but now, they finally believe me. all those snorts and sighs and gasps that wake one up so that they must check the baby to see that she is still breathing, not choking, and all A-OK. It is am now, and i have baby duty in the living/dining room. hopefully there is sleepage in the bedroom. i also have je..... in front of the sliding doors, as we actually have a bit of sunshine today instead of rain, and she is a bit jaundiced.

I went to costco and, buying the cheapest, bought huggies wipes in the 800 or so wipes size. these were cheaper and also had a coupon which i didn't know about at the register. However, they have all these "soothing" herbal crap stuff in them. they could gag a maggot BEFORE you clean up the poopies. Braden said, yeah, and we'll be using this many for like a year or more. i just laughed, saying, no, not a year. funny how wipes get used, right madeira-ites??

I wish ryan would blog all his good news.

i bought myself a wedding ring for my birthday. Now i can find the old one. it was just a cheap one from target, but i wanted one for until i found the other.

love you'uns.

i know you are all reading with bated breath

It is hard when you don't have your own computer to blog with. oh, i can connect with mine on their network, but i then remember that i have no virus software, and it makes me nervous.

Well, i strained my back on sunday...no conference for me. we went to er which was not busy, thank goodness. got some great prescriptions which i am off now, but still have if i relapse when kerry is in labor. also, the relief society pres and her hub brought over a twin bed and frame, so now i am off the ground. i am convinced that that was a major contributing factor, trying to get up from the floor several times a night plus in the am. i thought i would bring one of their shelves down, but luckily, they are so loaded, they didn't tip over.

today kerry goes to the doctor. she was hoping to miss it. she had contractions last night about every 20-30 minutes, so i went to bed. (when in doubt, sleep). seriously, i figured at that rate she would need me about 5 or6 am and i thought i'd rest up till then. she went to bed, and despite having contractions all night about 5-7 min, slept through most of them. kevin told her she was overdue and racking up dollar a day fines. not too much this am, it is quarter to 2 now. i think she and braden will be walking alot this weekend. unless jenna gets with the program.

i am reminded how unpleasant it is to live in an apartment. hopefully, if dad and i have to downsize, it will still be a separate space from other noisy people. and noisy washers, dryers, dishwashers, and waterfall toilet flushes.

Hey, i love you guys. happy b-day dan pretty soon.

city of clouds and excitemet

probably everybody who cares knows that i am in olympia awaiting jenna. the trip was absolutely awful, but i am glad to be here and know that i won't miss the arrival. kerry does actually look pregnant, and i took pics, but don't know how to post them from braden's comp. kerry's apt is cute (and braden's) and much nicer than their old one. but houses are the bomb because they have space to put things, yeah.

love you all.

happy birthday scott!! big 5 yesterday

Joseph Finder, yeah!

I have been reading books by joseph finder. wow, someone who can keep me guessing until the end. i thought ryan, in particular, would like "the moscow club". Many of you have seen the movie "high crimes". well, this guy wrote the book it was based on with the same name. And even though i knew what was going to happen, it was different enough and well written enough that it didn't matter. Then came the ending, and ****it was different. still heart stopping, but different, and i won't spoil it by telling you. then i read "Paranoia". WOW! WOW!! read it. that's all. just read it. i am now reading the last one that was available in the library. still good, but i don't know enough to rave.

love you all.

This and That

I so enjoy reading everyone's blog. I do it everyday, i think. So, i thought i ought to get on my butt (as opposed to off) and write something for all those other people who wonder why they haven't seen anything new.

mostly that's because nothing much happens here. I have been in a bad flare (o' fibro) for most of february. who wants to hear about that?? no one.

we also had warmer weather yesterday...in the 50's. but there is still a lot of dirty snow that needs to be melted. Should be about the same today. it has been raining and gray so far, but the radio promises me that it will be sunny by afternoon and also tomorrow and again, 50's. so there is sooooooooooooooooome hope.

Tonight should be Kevin's last church dance. they let them slide, apparently, while they are still 18, but you know what tomorrow is. At least, chronologically, he will be 19. He says that he might try to sneak into the April tri-stake youth dance. we'll see.

Ryan should be in Portland by now. and then to seattle sometime this week where he will see kerry and braden and hopefully not jenna. I am getting way excited about going to seattle. I am really glad that Kerry asked me to come and help. Makes me feel useful.

I love my grandchildren, born and unborn!!! I really enjoy being a grandmother. I wish i could see them more frequently. I would like to be a part of their lives that they remember, and say, "boy, grandma is COOL" (as opposed to, "who?")! I am still trying to figure out how that will happen if everybody lives all spread out. dunno. still trying to figure it out. I wouldn't want anyone saying, "Oh, she loves X better than me", or "her OTHER grandchildren are more important". I am willing to move, but to where?? this is where dan chimes in, "madeira!" but then what about everyone else. maybe i should have just had one child....but then which ones would i give up? none. oh, and by the way, i can't move while my dad is alive...i need to be here to help if he needs it. But i can't imagine that that would be more than say 3 years. and my friends are here. should i trade friends for family?? and i also have a brother and sister here. ah, quit the rambling...i hear you all now.

in other news, i am trying to load up dad's mp3 player. i have one session of conference on there, but i have downloaded all of april and october last year to the comp. just need to move them over. I also have folders ready for this april's conference. i have learned what "rip" means and also "sync". hooray for kevin, i am glad he is still here to educate me. i will also be putting on scottish music and anne murray..partially ripped. i am not sure what else he wants. when i get that far, i will have to ask him.

long post about nothing. but we are still alive. now you know.

OBITUARY

It is with profound regret that we announce the passing of Sharp Carousel Microwave. Steadfast in duty and always there for us, we never realized how much we would miss her until she was gone. When reached for comment, Miss Amy of Cincinnati, OH, stated, "No more dooty dooty doot doot doot??". That's right, now you only hear, "beep......beep......beep". She (the microwave) was getting old, and harder to clean, and in some ways, it was a blessing for her. She leaves behind, David, Christy and Kevin.

She was 9 years old.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

This is out the front door. which i cannot get out of.



Kids would love it. i, however, can't get out of my garage. This is looking out the front window where there is a 4-5 ft drift. maybe dan could hide behind it and lob snowballs at the kid next door

The mailman will have a blast. wonder what it will look like after he tromps through

to gauge the drift vs. the swing

I tried to open the back door to get this shot. oh. can't get out that way either. Just to the right of the picture is the upended wheelbarrow with its wheels barely out of the snow. Dan??

Perfectionism

Yes, i am a recovering perfectionist. well, maybe not recovering. i have many years as a perfectionist, so take what i say with all authority. i am not making this up. last instance of perfectionism: Sunday, i had to tell the missionaries that they had written "olmstead" on their flyer. i did tell them that i had read it, and it was very nice, and i was sorry i was so anal (i didn't say anal to them), but to NEVER EVER EVER put an "a" in olmsted again.

Perfectionism is not all good nor all bad. it depends on the extent. for example, i can write a blog without capitalization, and it doesn't bother me. my house can get pretty messy before it must be cleaned up.

But there is a DARK SIDE to perfectionism, and i ain't kidding. sometimes Perfectionism keeps a person from trying new things, because, what if they aren't perfect on the first try. you know whom you are. sometimes, people paint a Perfectionist picture of what they could or should be, and when they turn out to be only human, they feel disgusted with themselves and shamed that others will discover that they aren't perfect. you still know whom you are.

can't we realize that we are all in a state of learning/education?? When Christ said, "Be ye therefore perfect even as I and my Father in Heaven are perfect", that he didn't mean we would achieve this Perfectionism in this life. we have to be on the path. we have to repent when we fall. we need to access the Atonement and claim its benefits for ourselves. and we have to keep trying.

Let's give ourselves a break. i feel such sorrow for people who can't admit their problems, or ask for help because the discovery that they aren't perfect is too much to admit to. (never end a sentence with a preposition). God loves us all.

If you are calling me on my cell phone....

don't. at least not for a while. it has been lost since last sunday, after i talked to dan but while i was waiting for kerry to call. i slipped it in the waistband of my pants, since i didn't have a belt loop. monday i discovered it was gone. since it has battery issues, by the time i called it, it was dead, so, no help finding it. if i do find it, i'll let you know.